I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
