after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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