so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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