tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
