I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
