remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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