Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
