I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
