"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
