I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
