wat bout pragnant strippers??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
