AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
