it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
