Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
