I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
