My first STD was from a foam party
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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