Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
