i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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