She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
