come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
