we have officially lost it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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