that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
