I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
