so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
