Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
