So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
