i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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