He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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