Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
