i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
