Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I believe in your delicious
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
