You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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