wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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