Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
