WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
