so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
