It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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