the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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