a queef is a wish your heart makes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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