Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
love makes seman taste better
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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