Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
