TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
