How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
