she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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