I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
