We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
