Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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