Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
