FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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