I'm lost and stupid without you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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