i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
