oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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