Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
