Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize
