Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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