I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I fill condoms, not promises.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
