I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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