sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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