I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
