Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
